While it usually takes six to nine months for a couple to decide whether or not a dating situation has the potential to become a relationship with a capital R. the bad news can become much more evident much sooner:

If you've been out on only a couple of dates, there can be any number of reasons why things aren't working, including things beyond either of your control - work, familym finances, health problems - and it's sometimes hard to admit your confusion or unhappiness to someone you like but don't know very well.

If the problem is just that the two of you have gone about as far as you can go, it's probably pretty apparent to you both. If you are really brave, you can talk about the specifies. A cowardly no-no is to weasel out by not asking the person out and seeming to be really busy. The problem with this approach is twofold: First, it isn't very good communication (or very honest). Second, if the other person is really nice, he or she may be very understanding about how busy you are, and that makes you feel even worse. It's better to explain that the dating scenario just isn't working out and why.

If both of you seem to be mutually uncomfortable, the problem is a lot easier to handle, and if you're honest without being brutal, you may even become long-term friends and go on to introduce each other to future dates.

The problem occurs when one person is seemingly content and the other is miserable. (But don't be fooled by difference in styles. If one of you is really miserable, chances are the other person isn't having all that much fun either but may have a less confrontational style, be a better actor, be clingier, or have a worse track record, which tends to make people hang on for a longer time.)

If you're the one having the problems, I encourage you to be honest and ask for help or a time-out rather than act aloof or uninterested. If the relationship has some potential, it's a lot easier to resume if the other person doesn't feel trashed

If you're the one who wants out, you have an obligation to be kind but honest. If you're the one who's being dumped (pardon the expression), you have a right to ask why, if you can do it without whining.

If your partner seems to be having the problem, it's alright to say, "Seems to me you're a bit distracted these days. If you'd rather not, I understand if you need to take a break right now." These days, most of us feel we're better jugglers than we really are, and just having someone acknowledge that we don't have to be perfect can feel really good and be guite a relief.

Okey, it's obvious nothing is working: You've talked and tried, but it's just not much fun anymore and seems more trouble than it's worth. Get out your paper and pencil. No you're not going to write a Dear ......; You are going to do some soul and relationship searching. Do an inventory of what's working and what's not by being very, very specific.